I need a release.
So much emotion in me right now... and yet I feel nothing. It's like there's so much going on in my mind that it's literally pressing against my brain and damaging it, preventing me from knowing what I'm feeling. I've been keeping my emotions bottled up for too long. And because of that, anger is taking over and... that's not a place I'd rather not ever visit again. I don't like being angry, even worse so when I've been pushed too far. I've been angered directly in social situations, but not like this. If I keep holding myself like I'm doing, I would really hate to see what happens. I'm like a f***ing bomb right now, mentally and emotionally reaching critical mass. I usually end up in a fight when I'm angry, but that's when I'm with someone (Primarily the one causing it.), but there's no one really upsetting me now. I'm not sure what will happen when I'm by myself when I reach my limit. I might go on a ballistic rampage and break whatever I thought was useless, as though I was trying to keep my rage under control and not break something I shouldn't. I might just start wounding myself, something not entirely new to me. Not knowing what degree I would hurt myself is a big concern for me. I also might just hurt someone in my family, like if some little annoyance just sets me off, I may just start swinging at nearest person. Not the most likely scenario, but I'm not going to rule it out either. I feel I need someone to talk to. Anyone. Not a friendly conversation, but a serious talk about life and whatever. But... I'm not sure I can get anything out while talking to someone. If I don't do something, there will be some sort of destruction. All I can do by myself right now is just put a tighter hold on my current feelings, and express my new ones.

As I think back to my older posts, it seems I have a knack for predicting trouble about myself. Considering the circumstances now... I just want to cry at this point, but I can't make myself do it. My heart may just shut down, I am probably going to be mentally and emotionally unstable for possibly the rest of my life, and I will most likely end up hurting everyone I know. I guess I f***ed up real good. That still doesn't stop my spirit from holding on, though. I won't quit that easily, but I won't exactly do anything either. That's me in a nutshell I suppose. I'd put something up about what's going on in my personal life, but you can't put up something that doesn't exist, now can you?