Maturing with the darkness.
The news: College hasn't been the biggest pain in the world... yet. I could do without the College Writing class, though. I haven't had any complications other than getting my books which has already been done. Homework isn't too much of a problem. I had a few assignments and nothing so far has made me sick to my stomach. I realize, of course, the difficulty is going to be ten fold within a few weeks. There is this one class that I enjoy very much. Its basically about the ins and outs of computers. The teacher has implied that by the time we finish the class, we would have enough knowledge to build our own computers. Something I want to do REALLY, REALLY badly. I'm tired of sharing my computer with my brother. He downloads way too many songs, and he downloads games that compare with the ones you would buy at a store as far as system requirements go. Anyway, I still hate driving, but I am getting more comfortable with it. Although, I messed up coming back from college one day and almost caused a wreck, so that really hasn't been a good experience for me due to the fact that I am panicky when driving anywhere, let alone the highway. I haven't had time to write more on my theorem, but I hope to finish it sometime. I guess that's it for the news.

The inside: I have gotten severely depressed over the past two days. It started when I went on Furcadia. I was just exploring a bit and decided to check out my usual dream. I was caught off guard when I got suddenly thrown into a RP session by someone I know who was using another character. I got into it, had some fun, and ended it somewhat gracefully. Afterwards, I decided to check the Furcadia forums, mainly because I was bored. (My excuse for just about everything.) There, I saw someone who was looking for someone to RP with. I checked out her site, and read a few things about her character, then herself. Being as bored as I was, I went ahead and messaged her. She responded, we chatted a bit, got to RPing, then bid our farewells. This was four days ago. The next day, we got together and had another RP session and it went well. The day after, we had yet another session of RPing and somehow got into an OOC (Out Of Character) chat. Anyways, it wasn't until yesterday that I decided to read more about the person behind the character. I won't go into much detail, but the way she described her life and what happens in it nearly disgusted me. It was pitiful. I felt so bad for her that I have been depressed myself. The more I thought about it, the more I came to the conclusion that maybe I have been hiding from the world. Although I acknowledge the fact that millions of people have worse lives than I do, I never stopped to really think about how bad it was. This person had shown me how bad it can get and how it has affect her. It is time that I should be freed from my delusions and see the real world. See what evils it has and take them on even if I know I'll fail. I don't think she would care about what I thought about her. We enjoy RPing with each other, and that's all can say on my part.

The rest: There is one more thing that has been conflicting within me as of late. It's about Candra, so those who are tired of reading about me thinking about her can go ahead and leave. She had gotten into a big fight with her boyfriend, she was badly hurt (physically), and had decided to take him to court. This came to me as that she had broken up with him. I was going to go ahead and message her or something about how bad I feel for her. But because of how I think, I decided not to for two reasons. One, it would be rude for me to talk to her AS SOON AS she just broke up with someone. It would seem as though I would only talk to her if she was single. Two, I'm not sure that she would like if I just message her because she was hurt. It would be as if I didn't care about her unless something really big happened. All I have been doing is avoiding her. One reason being because I still get nervous when I even think about talking to her. I may as well have said nothing to her in the beginning if I was just going to be the same way for over a year later. I don't have courage, I don't have confidence... I'm lucky to even to communicate at all with anyone. I could say that I have a mental disorder, but that's the easy answer. I think differently than A LOT of people, especially where I live. That's why I want to move away from here. So now I'm debating when I'm going to talk to her. If I don't soon, I may not end up hurting myself, but Candra, too.